For Love and Yoga

I talk a lot about life balance and trying to live IN the world without succumbing TO the world. This is such a daunting task. Wouldn’t it be easier if I could just run away and live in a cave and meditate for twenty hours per day? I am not so sure that’s my path and I will tell you why. I don’t want to live in a cave. There are bugs in a cave. I can live without air conditioning but I refuse to be without heat and hot water. Seriously!  I like beer and nachos. I love watching my daughter create art and read to me in bed at night. I really enjoy having sex and I want to have a partner again when the time is right. I am not afraid to swear or smoke a cigarette with said adult beverage. I think animal farming is a travesty to nature and causes more damage and dis-ease than we realize. I think Black Americans have been living at the short end of the stick since the colonization of this country. Our European ancestors waged genocide against the indigenous people of this continent....

“She needed a superhero so she became one”. How do we, as women, in this society become our own superhero? How do we break free from the imagined idea that we need someone, typically a man, to save us? From what or from whom do we need saving? Becoming a superhero to save others sounds very altruistic but I couldn’t begin to think of how to save others because I needed to be saved.  I tried getting my mom, my husband, my friends, my job to save me and that really wasn’t working out the way I had expected. When all those options failed I realized I needed to become my own superhero! AWESOME!!! What now? The first step in change is becoming aware. Awareness is a gift and when you are able to step back, look at the cycle of choice/consequence and measure that against what your ‘ideal’ life looks like, you will notice some disparities. I can’t identify my turning point because I believe it is now irrelevant. I do know I was miserable. I felt empty and deprived. I felt a deep yea...

“She needed a superhero so she became one”.  How do we, as women, in this society become our own superhero? How do we break free from the imagined idea that we need someone, typically a man, to save us? From what or from whom do we need saving? Becoming a superhero to save others sounds very altruistic but I couldn’t begin to think of how to save others because I needed to be saved. I had already tried getting my mom, my husband, my friends, my job to save me and that really wasn’t working out the way I had expected. When all those options failed I realized I needed to become my own superhero! AWESOME!!! What now? The first step in change is becoming aware. Awareness is a gift and when you are able to step back, look at the cycle of choice/consequence and measure that against what your ‘ideal’ life looks like, you will notice some disparities.   I can’t identify my turning point because I believe it is now irrelevant. I do know I was miserable. I felt empty and ...

I have been in love and I have fallen out of love. I have had my heart broken and I am sure I have broken one or two hearts, although not intentionally. The deepest pain caused by fear and rejection leaves a lasting mark on our hearts. We suffer, sometimes in silence and sometimes screaming, but we suffer. Sometimes we make the choice to open our heart and share all of the love and passion with someone who is not ready, someone not in the same space, or perhaps someone unable to love with equal fervor. We take this as rejection and we suffer again. I believe this is a selfish love because we have an expectation of how we think that person should love. We are taking responsibility or their choices or limitations. We are trying to project our desire and our wants onto them, to control their behavior. I do not believe most of us come from a place of negative intention we are trying to level the field, to reduce our risk of injury. We employ many tricks to win over the focus of our ...

I have worked with people in pain for many years and the one common thread with chronic pain is we aren't aware of how debilitating it has been until we feel relief. I woke up this morning thinking about the power of the Pacific Ocean. I can feel the pull of the waves, taste the salt, and hear the gentle course and unambiguous crash of the waves. My very next thought was about letting go. I could let the waves wash over me and with their primordial rhythm take away everything that no longer serves me. The evolution of Self is a process. This process happens quickly at times like unrolling a cinnamon bun and other times it is a slow process like peeling layers of an onion. There are many occasions when we think we have just finished with a specific lesson and it cycles back to us in a deeper way to allow us to shed more of our ego and move closer to our authentic self. Pain is an agent of change. When pain is ignored long enough we develop coping mechanisms to LIVE with whatev...

Yoga saved my life.  Five years ago I was at the darkest most desperate point in my life. My marriage was dissolving slowly but painfully and as a result I was eating myself to death. I was so lost and miserable. I would go to bed at night hating my life and half hoping I wouldn't wake up. Then, I would think what my daughter's life would be like growing up without me, knowing I had chosen suicide instead of fighting. Needless to say, I chose life but I decided to really give up.  I gave up trying to control my husband, my career, and my misery. Enter Yoga...I decided to take the practice and philosophy seriously. I enrolled in the 200 hour Yoga Teacher training program at Frog Pond Yoga Centre in Princeton, MA. Through this amazing practice I stripped away the years of doubt, abuse, shame, and guilt. I discovered who my authentic self is. I developed a deeper understanding of our Creative energy and I moved closer to god. I just had to share this euphoria with as many pe...

I am on the last couple of days of my first International trip to Costa Rica. I am wondering what my life will look like when I get home. I am not the woman that got on the plane in Boston and I am so glad about that. Life gives us all kinds of opportunities. Personal growth is most often thought to happen when we come through tragedy or painful life experiences. That is the rational we share to explain why life can be challenging and difficult. That is not the whole story. The part of the story that we overlook is that pleasure and joy also brings change. We grow when we make new friends. We learn inclusion and understanding. We are asked to make space in our lives and challenge our belief systems to allow healthy space for these new gifts. Our comfort zone is shattered when we have a new lover. We have to look at ourselves and really be honest about our vulnerabilities. Standing on the beach I could feel the power of the Pacific Ocean and appreciate the bigness beyond me. I...

My life is evolving in amazing ways and I couldn't be more excited or terrified. I have finally embraced my single life. I am no longer grasping at men or relationships that are like cotton candy; tastes great but too much will give me a cavity and put me in a diabetic coma. Either way, not good for my health. I have thought long and hard about the friends that I try to hold on to and why I should let them go. I feel more sexually empowered now than I have at any time in my life. I believe it will take a very special person to appreciate all I can offer. Mere mortals may explode from the intensity! I have a new appreciation for my body. My Asana practice has tapered a bit but I have started CrossFit. I have learned that the extra skin that I have been carrying around has served it's purpose and is now teaching me to appreciate how far I have come. My diet has been lax, but that will change as I explore my internal landscape more intimately. I did not plan to return to corpo...