For Love and Yoga
Yoga is a fabulous journey. My yoga journey started with chronic back pain and an endless regimen of exercise tapes, gym memberships, diet pills, and diet programs. You name it and I tried it. Some of these avenues were moderately successful while others were just plain silly.
I met a woman, through work, that was in a Yoga Teacher Training program and she started talking to me about yoga and how much she enjoyed learning about the different parts of Yoga. I thought she was only talking about the poses, the exercise. Sign me up! Add yoga to my laundry list of exercises and diets to try and change what I saw when I looked in the mirror.
That first class started my ten year, on and off relationship to the practice of Asana. I started my practice by pushing my body into deeper stretches, watching the other people in class, and following the self-depreciating thoughts in my head. I'm too fat for this, I will never be able to bend my body in this pose, there is no way I can ever master this. I didn't pay attention to my breathing and I wasn't aware of how rigid my body was because of those hurtful thoughts. My knees hurt, my back felt tight and I walked away from any regular practice and moved yoga to the "Fail" list.
For reasons I can not explain and I still don't fully understand, I went back to yoga. The circumstances in my life changed and that is most likely what motivated me to revisit an Asana practice. I started taking classes with my former co-worker and we became friends. I noticed my breath and allowed my body to move on the in hale and the exhale instead of just pushing myself into and out of each pose. The little nuggets of information that my friend shared at the start of each session, in between poses, and at the close of session began to worm their way into my thoughts.
What was the "sweet spot" she was talking about? How can I find the least amount of effort in each active pose? How do I reconcile work and passive holding if my thoughts were telling me I would never "master" this thing called Yoga?
I decided that my body wasn't working against me but my thoughts were. I made the effort to let go of each statement like it was a piece of wrapping around a morsel of chocolate. I could appreciate how the wrapper protected the sweetness of the candy with in. I accepted the purpose of my internal dialogue and I wanted the thoughts to reflect the sweetness that lived within me.
My Practice changed almost instantly. I walked out of those following classes feeling taller, lighter, centered, powerful, and so sexy. I was on a Yoga high. I wanted more of that feeling! My body did not hurt because I was kind and compassionate with myself. I did not push, I explored. I kept my eyes on my own mat and I listened first to my breath, then to the sweetness of my new loving thoughts. The old, negative thoughts would creep back in and I started treating them like strangers knocking at the door. If I was going to choose to keep them out I had to first look at them for what they were. It turned out they were just thoughts.
I have found a new Yoga practice. My practice today consists of breathing, listening, and moving. I am still challenged by many of the poses but my biggest challenge are the thoughts that keep me moving too fast, keep me away from my mat, and keep my head full of clutter. I am not disheartened because I can choose to slow down. After all, Yoga is a journey not a destination.
I met a woman, through work, that was in a Yoga Teacher Training program and she started talking to me about yoga and how much she enjoyed learning about the different parts of Yoga. I thought she was only talking about the poses, the exercise. Sign me up! Add yoga to my laundry list of exercises and diets to try and change what I saw when I looked in the mirror.
That first class started my ten year, on and off relationship to the practice of Asana. I started my practice by pushing my body into deeper stretches, watching the other people in class, and following the self-depreciating thoughts in my head. I'm too fat for this, I will never be able to bend my body in this pose, there is no way I can ever master this. I didn't pay attention to my breathing and I wasn't aware of how rigid my body was because of those hurtful thoughts. My knees hurt, my back felt tight and I walked away from any regular practice and moved yoga to the "Fail" list.
For reasons I can not explain and I still don't fully understand, I went back to yoga. The circumstances in my life changed and that is most likely what motivated me to revisit an Asana practice. I started taking classes with my former co-worker and we became friends. I noticed my breath and allowed my body to move on the in hale and the exhale instead of just pushing myself into and out of each pose. The little nuggets of information that my friend shared at the start of each session, in between poses, and at the close of session began to worm their way into my thoughts.
What was the "sweet spot" she was talking about? How can I find the least amount of effort in each active pose? How do I reconcile work and passive holding if my thoughts were telling me I would never "master" this thing called Yoga?
I decided that my body wasn't working against me but my thoughts were. I made the effort to let go of each statement like it was a piece of wrapping around a morsel of chocolate. I could appreciate how the wrapper protected the sweetness of the candy with in. I accepted the purpose of my internal dialogue and I wanted the thoughts to reflect the sweetness that lived within me.
My Practice changed almost instantly. I walked out of those following classes feeling taller, lighter, centered, powerful, and so sexy. I was on a Yoga high. I wanted more of that feeling! My body did not hurt because I was kind and compassionate with myself. I did not push, I explored. I kept my eyes on my own mat and I listened first to my breath, then to the sweetness of my new loving thoughts. The old, negative thoughts would creep back in and I started treating them like strangers knocking at the door. If I was going to choose to keep them out I had to first look at them for what they were. It turned out they were just thoughts.
I have found a new Yoga practice. My practice today consists of breathing, listening, and moving. I am still challenged by many of the poses but my biggest challenge are the thoughts that keep me moving too fast, keep me away from my mat, and keep my head full of clutter. I am not disheartened because I can choose to slow down. After all, Yoga is a journey not a destination.
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